Google, Guy Ritchie and Ted Baker combine to invent cool yet largely incomprehensible way to sell you clothes

Use secret code phrases via Google voice control, 'shop the movie' and join the mysterious 'Mission: Impeccable'

Voice search, according to Google, now accounts for a significant chunk of online retail, with people saying "Trousers" and " Loo roll" at their phones, because they're busy doing something else with their hands, or they can't spell, or something. To celebrate, the search gianthas collaborated withblokey couturier Ted Baker to roll out its MIssion: Impeccable campaign.

Also on board: blokey film director Guy Ritchie and blokey social marketing experts Poke. Presumably, all concerned thought the Google boys were a right bunch of hoity-toity ponces, mincing abaaaaht, so it's good they were still able to work so closely with them.

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Now, pay attention, because this is quite confusing. Mission: Impeccable kicks off September 7. So you'll just have enough time to figure out what's going on before the iPhone event starts.

At 14:30, a three-minute film directed by Crowns and Owls and "executive produced" by Guy 'Lock, Stock and Formerly Married to Madonna' Ritchie will go live on Tedbaker.com and Ted Baker's YouTube channel.

Here's a trailer for Mission: Impeccable. I woud say it makes everything more clear, but that would be a lie.

However, you will note that all the geezers in the movie are done up like it's Bryan Ferry's wedding and looking proper dapper and that.

So, the clever bit is that when the full-length advert apears tomorrow, you'll be able to buy all of the schmutter there and then with just a click of your mouse or touchscreen.

The garms will also be shoppable at Selfridge's in London and Nordstrom of North America, so you can get all fitted up with gorblimey trousers, titfer tats and a right tasty whistle and flute, guv'nor, isn't it?

The tech/tailor/spy/geezer crossover cleverness doesn't end there.

Go to Ted Baker's Regent Street store with a 'special ticket' and you can be among the first to experience in-store Google Search voice-controlled shopping. Yup.

The store will have an 'interactive window display' containing 'secret code phrases' - "The Owl flies south at dawn," that sort of thing. Speak these into Google Search and you can WIN FREE STUFF!

Ted Baker is to be congratulated not only for coming up with an excellent Autumn collection, but also one of the most baffling social campaigns of recent times.

Thankfully, Nik Roope, Executive Creative Director of social marketing partner Poke is on hand to explain all:

"Busting out from the chains of virtual constraint, we've taken the campaign into the physical world. Offering a more cryptic augmentation than our Pokémon friends, Ted offers a way to discover secrets in and around their stores, otherwise hidden from the naked eye.

"The espionage theme plays naturally with unfolding technologies that allow participants to search via voice, accessing geofenced and chronofenced codes that lead to further experiences or unlock special Ted Baker product.”

Simple, really. On your way, now. (opens in new tab)

Duncan has been writing about tech for almost 15 years, during which time he has attended every event going, apart from Apple ones, as he mysteriously doesn't get invited to them. He has covered everything from smartphones to headphones, TV to AC and air fryers to the movies of James Bond and obscure anime. 

Duncan's current brief is everything to do with the home and kitchen, which is good because he is an excellent cook, if he says so himself. He also covers cycling and ebikes – like over-using italics, this is another passion of his. Duncan also edits T3's golf section because fuck it, someone has to. Dave Usher does all the real work on that bit, though. In his long and varied lifestyle-tech career he is one of the few people to have been a fitness editor despite being unfit and a cars editor for not one but two websites, despite being unable to drive. He also has about 400 vacuum cleaners, and is possibly the UK's leading expert on cordless vacuum cleaners, despite being decidedly messy.

Before T3, Duncan was a music and film reviewer, worked for a magazine about gambling that employed a surprisingly large number of convicted criminals, and then a magazine called Bizarre that was essentially Reddit before the invention of Reddit. There was a lengthy period where he essentially wrote all of T3 magazine every month for about 3 years. 

A broadcaster, raconteur and public speaker, Duncan used to be on telly loads, but an unfortunate incident put a stop to that, so he now largely contents himself with telling people, "I used to be on the TV, you know."