Sometimes, as a writer you stand at the crossroads of a story. Do you go right, and report press releases as if they were created with good intentions? Or do you go left and unleash the burbling rage on what is clearly a banal and lazy attempt to grab some column inches after your busy Christmas period of flogging gift sets has ended and sales have slowed.
Right or left? Straight journalism or uncorked fury? Which way will I go today?
Anyway, deodorant manufacturer Lynx has detailed a new product that offers gamers an odour refreshment once every 15 minutes. Cleverly named "SprayStation", this nifty little device promises an armpit rejuvenating puff of deodorant while you game away to your heart’s content.
Nope. It’s no good, I can’t. This product doesn’t exist, it will probably never exist and it’s a vapid attempt to gain coverage using a tired and offensive stereotype that gamers can’t be bothered to wash. It also plays on an even more ludicrous notion that people think Lynx Africa is a socially acceptable smell in 2021 when that is absolutely not the case.
Lynx is to deodorant what masturbating is to sex. Fine when you’re 15, but there are much better options out there for adults to enjoy. We've even written about proper scents in our guide to best men’s fragrances and colognes, which you should feel free to read at your leisure.
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- Best men’s fragrances and colognes 2021: long lasting scent for the discerning gent
- This custom PS5 cost $70,000 and is absolutely MASSIVE
Every time I re-read this press release I found myself getting more and more angry. Angry that my gaming brethren are once again being accused of poor hygiene. Annoyed that a deodorant company thinks cans of gas are a replacement for washing in the first place. Irked at the idea of spraying goddamn Lynx Africa around the room is a solution to anything at all.
I did a 24 hour Destiny 2 stream once. I had a wash before, and a wash once it was over. I did not, in the 24 hour period, explode into a hopeless sweating mess that caused the local neighbourhood to be evacuated. Nor, did I need to constantly refresh my pits like a teenage boy about to chat up a girl outside gym class.
Anyway, Josh Plimmer from Lynx said, “We’re really excited about trialling the SprayStation that will encourage gamers to ‘smell better, play better’. We know that our guys love gaming and are probably doing more of it due to lockdown, so we want to ensure they’re equipped to stay fresh with a classic scent, even during some of their longest gaming marathons!”
Again. I have no idea how smelling good helps anyone play better. I also have no idea why we need to automate this process. Should someone really need underarm refreshment surely they can just spray themselves, presumably at much lower price than this mechanised disaster would cost.
The only thing I really liked about this concept is that it uses an Arduino. I like Arduinos, they’re fantastic little programming tools and fantastic for homebrew projects where you want to make life a little better using a simple computer. So, buy an Arduino, or a Raspberry Pi and they will bring you much joy.