Nintendo Switch OLED – the 5 lies I'll foolishly tell myself to justify buying it

While it pains me to say this, I've not been impressed with the Nintendo Switch OLED reveal at all.

The Nintendo Switch OLED is missing a lot features in my mind and, simply put, its lack of ambition has left me seriously cold to it.

Being a long-term Nintendo gamer and fan, though, despite all this there's still a small part of me eyeing up Nintendo Switch OLED pre-orders, which I am the first to admit is quite crazy considering how, rationally, I don't rate it or need it.

The pull of the BigN is strong, though, and as such I can see myself whispering the following five lies (or at least unknown half-truths) to myself in order to justify the unjustifiable.

1. Switch OLED will make games look better

[The lie I'll tell myself]

A larger OLED screen will take me to a dreamland of Nintendo Switch games awesomeness. While other gamers will be languishing in LCD misery, I'll be lording it up with next-gen OLED panel goodness. Mmmm... such great contrast, color and brightness. While legacy Switch owners are crying at how bad The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild 2 looks on their dated system, I'll be drinking in their salty tears while enjoying an order of magnitude better experience on my Switch OLED.

[The more probable reality]

Despite the Switch OLED switching panel types, it doesn't change the resolution of the screen at all, which stays firmly at 720p in Handheld Mode. And with the screen staying the same resolution despite getting bigger, everything ends up looking even more pixelated (and that's the last thing I want from a new Switch). Images are brighter and more vibrant, but things take a backward step in sharpness. Also, will there be the potential for image retention and burn in issues as it is an OLED panel?

Oh, and of course, the Switch OLED won't make any games look any different from the original Switch when in Docked Mode, which is how I use my original Switch a lot of the time.

2. Switch OLED will offer a better portable experience

[The lie I'll tell myself]

I'll be using my Nintendo Switch OLED on the bus, train and plane, with its awesome new white Joy-Cons a joy to use in Handheld Mode thanks to their total lack of drift, while its extra-wide kick stand will be giving me the stability I need to play games on the go in Tabletop Mode. While other gamers with original Nintendo Switch consoles suffer Joy-Con drift and their console falling over with every small bump while they're travelling, I'll be sitting smug with my first class Nintendo Switch OLED.

[The more probable reality]

It won't be a better portable experience really at all. The extra wide kickstand looks like it can't fail, true, but I've not really experienced any console collapsing issues or broken kickstand issues from my original Switch, either. So, no upgrade in experience there.

Nintendo also hasn't said a thing about the Joy-Con controllers on the Switch OLED either, and that could easily be because it hasn't changed or upgraded them at all. They could just be a white colorway of the same Joy-Cons that many gamers have had serious issues with since the original Switch game out.

3. That exclusive white colorway will look great

[The lie I'll tell myself]

I'll be in exclusive, premium company with my white Nintendo Switch OLED. While legacy Nintendo Switch owners slum it with boring primary color consoles and controllers, I'll mark myself as owning the new hotness with my lush white console. That white finish on the dock, too, is such a massive upgrade over the dingy, cheap-looking original dock.

[The more probable reality]

You can already buy aftermarket white color Joy-Cons and they work with original Nintendo Switch consoles just fine, so the Switch OLED colorway won't be exclusive after all. As for the dock, I have my Switch dock placed within my TV cabinet and I never see it other than when I place the console in the dock or take it out. As such, even though I've got the white dock I'll basically never see it.

Oh, and judging from the marks and stains that have accrued from years of use on my original Switch's Joy-Con controllers, the new white ones will get discoloured within a matter of months, leaving them looking dirty at all times.

4. I'll be able to download games quicker

[The lie I'll tell myself]

I'll be downloading The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild 2 in like 10 minutes thanks to the Switch OLED's dock's Ethernet LAN port. That hardwired connection will transform the download abilities of the Switch OLED by orders of magnitude, and while standard Nintendo Switch owners are staring at the wall while they wait for painfully slow wireless downloading, I'll already be gaming with a huge smile on my face.

[The more probable reality]

My actual internet connection (average of about 36Mbps down) won't get better in any way, and while the stability of the Switch OLED's connection to my router will be improved, the speed increase in terms of download speeds will be negligible. I'll still not have a good download experience at all, really, as I live in a village with poor maximum internet speeds, and I'll still likely be waiting longer than most other Switch owners to download and play the new hotness.

Also, as my router is nowhere near where my current Switch resides, I'll also have to get a get a Wi-Fi extender, run a cable through my home to my router, or move the Switch OLED dock and console to sit next to the router.

5. Switch OLED will future proof me for the generation

[The lie I'll tell myself]

In buying the Nintendo Switch OLED I'll be futureproofing my Switch experience as the BigN has now showed its cards and it's obvious that this is the mid-gen refresh that'll carry me through to the next-gen. In buying the Switch OLED I can guarantee I'll have the best Switch console for the next three years or more, the exact years where the Switch library of games will be at its most impressive. Why wouldn't I want every Switch game I own to look its best for the rest of the Switch's lifespan?

[The more probable reality]

Nintendo will launch a Nintendo Switch Pro console ahead of the Winter Holiday season 2022. This console will also have an OLED display like the Switch OLED but will come with upgraded internal hardware that runs games at high framerates and, in Docked Mode, at higher resolutions.

My investment of $350 for this year's Switch OLED suddenly leaves me with the biggest buyer's remorse I've ever experienced. I don't have the most powerful Switch console, or the best experience for me, which is a system that I use most often in Docked Mode, and I then feel compelled to buy the Switch Pro, which probably sets me back a further $400.

• Switch OLED explained: what is OLED, and why is it such a great upgrade?