By Robert Jones
Darth Vader Toaster
Anakin Skywalker would not have turned to the dark side of the Force if he had eaten more English muffins. Fact! Everyone knows that quantity of English muffins consumed is directly linked to lightside affinity - seriously, you should see the amount of muffins Yoda stuffs in his piehold! As such, every Jedi should ensure he has a good quality toaster in his possession. This bad boy here toasts bread, waffles and English muffins. In addition, it features a cool-touch housing, removable crumb tray and adjustable thermostat, as well as reheat, defrost and quick stop functions.
R2-D2 USB Car Charger
Those long speeder patrols getting you down? Trying to talk to that hot girl from the Jedi Temple's accounting department on Starbook only to find your Starphone has run out of Starpower? (You're fired. Ed.) Well, worry no more as thanks to this handy droid phone charger you'll be able to keep chatting all day long. The charger connects to your vehicle of choice and provides two USB charging points, with each delivering 2.1 Amps of power (enough to charge two phones or tablets simultaneously). The droid's head also rotates and features a light-up eye.
Yoda desk lamp
Want to impress Master Yoda the next time he invites himself round for muffins? Well, why not purchase this custom-made Yoda desk lamp? The lamp, which is a bust of the little green one, is made from acrylic and is lit by a string of multicoloured LEDs. Power is delivered via either a USB port or via a typical wall socket, with the plug coming in UK, US, EU and Australian pin configurations. Light mode and colour is adjusted by a rear-mounted knob, with various configurations including rainbow mode possible. What is most cool though is the fact orders can be customised with name plates and more.
We know what it's like. You're hanging round Chalmun's Cantina knocking back one too many Ruby Bliels and suddenly, whoops, you've misplaced your lightsaber. That's why having a spare in stock is super important. I mean, how are you going to eventually turn to the dark side and slaughter a dump truck load of younglings without one?! Exactly, those younglings are going to open a can of whoopass on you. As such, why not pick up a spare from Ultrasabers? These guys stock basically every hilt and blade type in the galaxy and while they don't come cheap - you'll have to drop some serious quatloos (that's Star Trek idiot. Ed.) to pick one up - they are probably the best around. Ultrasabers even has a 'build your own lightsaber' lab.
Star Wars Death Star Waffle Maker
When you eventually fall into that emo, faux nihilistic, all I dress in is black Sith phase, you'll obviously have to stop eating all those English muffins. So why not switch to waffles, the choice of the Emperor himself? This waffle maker is even themed like the Empire's ultimate super weapon, the Death Star, and is made from solid stainless steel. Crucially however, it's not just that the unit is themed like the Death Star, but also that the waffles it churns out also resemble the mighty ball of doom. How neat is that? Just don't get waffle mixture on your billowing black cape.
Star Wars R2-D2 Bluetooth Speakerphone
That's right! We know your dirty little secret! We've seen that vast collection of DJ Jar Jar LPs hidden under your mattress back at the Jedi Temple dorm. For shame! If you have to listen to them going forward could you please do so inside the belly of the Sarlacc through this compact droid-shaped Bluetooth speakerphone? It can be charged up through a USB port and, once paired with your device of choice, is capable of blasting out the tunes with ease. If you pair a phone to it you can even take calls through it too. Of course, in the Sarlacc's belly you will find a new definition of pain and suffering, as you are slowly Jar Jar'd to death over a thousand years.
Star Wars Luke Skywalker Light Up Version Chopsticks
Aren't those Rodian eels just so damn tricky to eat with bare hands? Always wriggling this way and that! The problem is that they're just too damn tasty to pass up. Well why not take the upper hand with these lightsaber-styled, light-up chopsticks? By simply twisting the blades the chopsticks can be made to light up, while after the meal the blades can be detached for safe washing, leaving the power-providing hilts to remain water free. I tell you, with these lightsaber chopsticks, you won't want to Use the Fork! Ba-dum-tsh! I'm here all night folks. Don't forget to tip your waitress.
BB-8 App-Enabled Droid
What's even more fun than creating a butter slide for Master Yoda to slip on? That's right, hacking astromech droids and then driving them off the Jedi Temple's roof. Well, why take the chance of being grounded by Mace Windu when you can just play with you own toy ball droid back in the dorm? Exactly, it's a win-win situation. This toy droid is made by Sphero and can be driven around the local of your choice via a smartphone/tablet app connected via Bluetooth. The droid has a 60-minute battery life, an inductive charging station and a large 30-metre operation range.
Star Wars TIE Fighter Nutcracker
Capable of shattering nut cases faster than the Death Star can shatter planets with its main beam, this TIE Fighter Nutcracker is forged from Quadanium steel. This is a serious piece of kit, be under no illusion, with it weighing nearly a kilogram and featuring a threaded bolt that will make short work of literally anything that it comes into contact with, Jar Jar's fingers included. As such, if your bowl of nuts have gone all rebel, proving difficult to crack, send the TIE Fighter Nutcracker screaming into their midst and victory shall be yours. A very classy piece of kit!
Han Solo Fridge
And, finally, after a long day being lectured by Master Kenobi about the virtues of celibacy and moderation in all things, as well as in the extensive history of the Jedi Knights - remind me, why did you sign up for this Jedi thing again? - what's better than an ice-cold beverage? Nothing, that's what. As such, why not invest in this Han Solo-themed mini fridge? It's the perfect receptacle for those tins of extra strength Corellian ale. Just don't let Chewie see it or you'll be in a world of hurt.