Celebrity satnav voices: It's the ideal way to drown out the hapless map reader in the passenger seat. Here's 50 satnav voices we'd love to hear
As Stephen Fry becomes the latest voice of TomTom, following in the illustrious footsteps of Brian 'Gordon's Alive' Blessed and Darth Vader, it got the T3 team thinking about the iconic voices we'd love to hear on satnavs in the future.
After careful consideration and numerous terrible impersonations, here's our pick of the 50 celebrity satnav voices we'd like to see guiding us to our destination in one piece.
Have missed any great celebrity satnav voices? Let us know in the comments below.
1 - Make a wrong turn? How about Arnold Schwarzenegger saying either "Hasta la vista, baby" or "I'll be back" as a warning that you've just entered dangerous territory and are in threat of being terminated. Or Guvernated, as the case might be.
2 - Mike Myers, AKA Austin Powers saying "Yeah, baby, yeah"! when you are going in the right direction, and reprising "Dr. Evil" saying "Why am I surrounded by frikkin' idiots" when you go astray.
3 - Perhaps Eric Idle's catchy "Run away! Run away"! from Monty Python and the Holy Grail could be programmed in at the start of your journey. Just be careful you don't collapse into fits of giggles as you pull away!
4 - Humphrey Bogart -You're going out on the town with some friends, and they want you to meet them at some cool, new night spot, but you haven't a clue how to get there - until you hear Bogey saying "Of all the gin joints, in all the world..".
5 - How about this one - Majel Barrett? You know, the voice from the computer on Star Trek and Star Trek: The Next Generation. (Yeah, she was also a live actor on both programs, but we're talking futuristic technology here, right?) When you get to where you are going, her voice should say "Shuttle has arrived at its destination". If only we could stop ourselves from making light-sabre sounds. Or was that the other star-movie?
6 - If you have to have a robot voice, how about the voice of Dick Tufeld, the man behind the robot in Lost In Space screaming "Warning! Warning"! whenever you are approaching a turn too fast?
7 - This one is sure to be a hit: Marilyn Monroe, singing "Bye Bye Baby" when you make a wrong turn, or you're going in the wrong direction, following it up with a sigh, and an esasperated "Well, nobody's perfect".
8 - Clint Eastwood a la "Dirty Harry" gritting out "Make My Day" as you safely negotiate a proper turn, and "You've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel lucky?' Well, do ya, punk?" when you head off hopelessly off course. Which, in our case, would be rather frequently.
9 - James Cromwell, doing a send off from his role in Babe, saying "That'll do pig, that'll do" when you manage to make a high speed lift-off drift turn to stay on track. Alternatively, you've got "That'll do, Donkey, That'll do" as performed by Mike Myers in Shrek.
10 - Tom Cruise - "I feel the need! The need for speed"! from Top Gun
11 - John Travolta - "Yeah well, I hope you drive better than you fucking spell, jack-off". From Get Shorty
12 - Judy Garland - "Follow the Yellow Brick Road", and when you arrive at your destination, follow it up with the heart-warming "There's No Place Like Home".
13 - Peter Finch - "I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it any more"! from Network
14 - Slim Pickens - "I've been to one world fair, a picnic, and a rodeo, and that's the stupidest thing I ever heard come over a set of earphones" from Dr. Strangelove
15 - Michael Caine as Charlie Croker in the Italian Job - "Just remember this - in this country they drive on the wrong side of the road".
16 - R. Lee Ermey as Gunnery Sergeant Hartman in Full Metal Jacket - "Are you quitting on me? Well, are you? Then quit, you slimy fucking walrus-looking piece of shit! What is your major malfunction"?
17 - Richard E. Grant as Withnail in Withnail and I - "These aren't accidents! They're THROWING themselves into the road gladly! THROWING themselves into the road to escape all this hideousness! Throw yourself into the road, darling! You haven't got a chance!"
18 - Ving Rhames as Marsellus in Pulp Fiction - "I'm gonna get medieval on your ass". (when you take a wrong turn)
19 - Christopher Lloyd as Doctor Emmett Brown in Back To The Future Part Three - "Each detonation will be accompanied by a sudden burst of acceleration. Hopefully, we'll hit 88 mph, before the needle gets much past 2000". (randomly when going down a long stretch of road without much happening)
20 - Bruce Willis as John McClane in Die Hard - "Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker". (for when you reach your destination)
21 - Jim Carrey as the ever-incorrigible Mr Ipkiss in, er, in The Mask - "THAT'S A SPICY MEATBALL!"
22 - Ewan McGregor as Mark Renton in Trainspotting - "It's a SHITE state of affairs to be in, Tommy, and all the fresh air in the world won't make any fucking difference!" (For when lost in the countryside).
23 - James Earl Jones - "I am your father" when you don't follow directions
24 - Alec Guiness - "Use the force, Luke" when you decide to go your own way
25 - Samuel L. Jackson - "We happy? Vincent! We happy?" from Pulp Fiction
26 - Jeff Bridges - "Come on, man. I had a rough night and I hate the fuckin' Eagles, man"! from the Big Lebowski
27 - Raquel Welch - "Your place, or mine?"
28 - HAL 9000 (Douglas Rain) - "I'm sorry, Dave, I can't do that" from 2001: A Space Odyssey
29 - Marlon Brando from "The Godfather" - "I'm going to make him an offer he can't refuse"
30 - Clark Gable - "Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn". From Gone With the Wind
31 - Robert De Niro - "You talking to me?" from Taxi Driver
32 - Jimmy Cagney - "Made it Ma! Top of the world"!
33 - Jack Nicholson - "You can't handle the truth"! from A Few Good Men
34 - Colin Clive - "It's alive! It's alive"! from Frankenstein
35 - Brandon De Wilde - "Shane! Shane, come back"! from Shane
36 - Jason Mewes - "Heh, me lead you? Lady look at me, I don't even know where the hell I am half the time"! from Dogma
37 - Matt Damon - "I mean, have you ever had any experience with that?" from Good Will Hunting
38 - Robin Williams - "Rule number three, I can't bring people back from the dead. It's not a pretty picture. I don't like doing it"! from Aladdin
39 - Haley Joel Osment - "I see dead people". From The Sixth Sense
40 - Bruce Willis - "C'mon baby, come ta' papa" from Die Hard
41 - Brad Pitt - "Wackos everywhere, plague of madness". From 12 Monkeys
42 - Morgan Freeman - "The walk of the dead" when your arrival time is going to be late
43 - Gene Hackman - "A man who will keep his head and not get rattled under fire, like as not, he'll kill ya". From Unforgiven
44 - Frances McDormand - "Oh, I just think I'm gonna barf... Well, that passed. Now I'm hungry again". From Fargo
45 - Ewan McGregor - "I'm gonna spend every day for the rest of my life looking for her. That, or die alone"! from Big Fish
46 - Owen Wilson - "I don't know you tell me sir?" from Behind Enemy Lines
47 - Eddie Murphy - "Are we there yet? Are we there yet?" from Shrek 2
48 - George Wendt as Norm in Cheers - "Call me Mister Lucky".
49 - Joan Allen - "Well, Sean, I knew it only a matter of time before you forgot where we lived". From Face/Off
50 - Sophia Loren - Hell, have her say ANYTHING, it will sound good. Can we get a picture of a nubile Sophia Loren on the screen of the sat-nav, too please?