There are some people who truly get into the spirit of Easter.
That’s a nice way of saying they’ll buy the biggest and most extravagant Easter Egg they can find, so they can slap it onto Facebook/Instagram/Twitter/Snapchat and making everyone’s diabetes senses tingle with envy. Which is fine, of course. It’s a very modern way of doing things.
For those who wanted to enjoy Easter without taking part in the Easter Egg one-upmanship, the good news is that Easter can be quite fun.
Not that it hasn’t been fun before. There have always been Easter Egg hunts and other festivities to mark the event. But more and more companies are waking up to the sort of novelty gifts and chocolate items that allow us to create the ‘best alternative Easter gifts’ list as you see below, making it feel like something where we’re all allowed to have a bit more fun and venture off the well-worn path when it comes to gifts.
Basically, what we’re trying to say is gift someone a chocolate edible anus any other time of the year and see how far you get.
Go on. Try it.
‘LOVE IT OR HATE IT’ MEGA MARMITE EASTER COLLECTION
You already know if you want this or not. Marmite must be the only food item in the world that advertises itself on the premise that you’ll probably hate it and now its polarising flavour has spread to Easter as well. What’s surprising is the sheer variety of Marmite items available in this collection. You get a 160g Egg (standard) along with a mini Marmite jar (expected). Then there are Marmite rice cakes (what?), Marmite cashews (wait, what?) and Marmite crisps (stop this). It’s a glorious festival of Marmite things, all for £16.99. It doesn’t change the fact that everything here tastes of Marmite, of course, but that brings us back to the original point – you already know if you want this or not.
£16.99 | Amazon.co.uk
Do people take Easter seriously? It doesn’t have the fanatical costume preparation of Halloween or the months-long build-up of Christmas. It’s really just an excuse to eat chocolate isn’t it? And if there’s a chance to bring some humour to the table as well, then so be it. That should be your excuse if gifting someone this edible anus for Easter backfires. It’s hard to guess how another human being will react when being presented with this – it’s an //edible anus// after all. We’re simply advising that in case it all goes wrong, it’s important to prepare an exit strategy. Actually wait, that’s terrible wording given the context. In case it all goes to sh… hmmm. Let’s all just move on, shall we?
£6.99 | Firebox.com
You’ve likely heard the saying ‘about as useful as a chocolate teapot’. The idea is that something that melts (chocolate) isn’t the best vessel for something hot that’s used to make tea (hot water). And now that we’ve broken down that famous saying, as though it was too tricky and impenetrable to understand, is proof that you //can// make tea with a chocolate teapot. The advised use here is to ‘fill the chocolate teapot with hot water, stir in cocoa powder and you’ve got a lovely hot chocolate drink to pour’. Or adding water to create a chocolate fondue inside. Whatever you do, the point is that you can use a chocolate teapot as a teapot, albeit one that leaves the drinks you make chocolatey. And when you’re done? Eat the rest. Lovely.
£24.99 | Firebox.com
CADBURY CRÈME SCOTCH EGG
“Your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could that they didn’t stop to think if they should.” So said Dr Ian Malcom in Jurassic Park, prophesising the arrival of Cadbury Crème Scotch Eggs by 20-odd years. But before your taste buds shrivel in fear at the thought of Cadbury’s sugary treat being welded together with every petrol station’s snack of choice, fear not. Rather than entombing the chocolate in unidentifiable processed meats, it’s actually a sort of cake mixture that’s encased the Crème Egg. In other words, it’ll be your teeth doing the screaming rather than your taste buds. But isn’t that the point of Easter? It tastes surprisingly nice too, which is always a bonus.
£8.95 | notonthehighstreet.com
It’s always good when someone goes above and beyond the call of duty in the name of service. These chocolate tools are a perfect example. The joke here is that chocolate tools are useless. No-one would use a hammer made from Belgian chocolate to fix the broken bathroom cupboard, unless something has gone terribly wrong. And that would be enough for this to work as a gift, for you to say “oh Sarah, you shouldn’t have!” with genuine gratitude. But if you squint, or if you take a picture through a blurry camera phone, these even //look// like chocolate tools. The detail is incredible and you’ll almost feel guilty for eating them, as you can see the level of effort that’s gone into them.
£14.99 each | Firebox.com