21 alternative ways to take down the Death Star

T-3PO has scientifically calculated 21 alternative ways that the Empire’s superweapon, the Death Star, could be taken out

“The odds of successfully surviving a direct attack on a Death Star are approximately 4,839 to 1. As such I, T-3PO, have taken the liberty of calculating the 21 best ways in which the Death Star could be eliminated.

Oh, this is suicide! We’re doomed…”

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1. Seize critical Death Star controls

Sir, if we were to seize critical Death Star controls, such as those responsible for the disablement of the tractor beam reactor coupling, then we could neutralize the station. A small infiltration party would be best suited to this end.

2. Shut down the main reactor

If we infiltrate the station, yet find critical controls too well guarded to make an advance, then by shutting down the station’s main reactor we could earn the Rebel Alliance a temporary window to attack.

3. Create an insurgency

I also believe, Sir, that by utilising ‘soft power’ we could attract a suitable quantity of Death Star Stormtroopers to defect, creating an insurgency that would put the station in our hands.

4. Block thermal exhaust ports

By harnessing super laser energy and creating a critical situation, such as blocking thermal exhaust ports and thus robbing the station of its ability to expel excess heat and energy, we could cause critical system failures throughout the station.

5. Shut down energy shields

I predict that by infiltrating the station and shutting down the space station’s energy field, with a minimum of three Star Destroyers one could inflict critical damage to the Death Star’s superstructure to the extent that core functionality would be compromised.

6. Sabotage the Death Star’s laser-focusing nexus

Sir, if we sabotage the station’s main weapon’s laser-focusing nexus, I have calculated that the the resultant energy blast delivered into the surrounding structure of the Death Star would cause a 99.99 per cent probability of critical system failure.

7. Hijack navicomputer

The Death Star’s navicomputer, if compromised, could be used to pilot the station into a nearby star or sun. I have predicted that the chances of either of these actions leading to critical system failure is 99.99 per cent.

8. Remotely hack computer systems

Providing one could remain close enough for long enough, Sir, then we could upgrade R2 here with a wireless interface and command him to hack into the station’s computer systems.

9. Sabotage hyperdrive station

A more complicated way to crash the Death Star into a planet or star would be to sabotage its hyperdrive station.

10. Disrupt the station’s artificial gravity

By reprogramming the Death Star’s artificial gravity generators, preferably flipping the direction by 180 degrees at all points, the station would be ripped apart.

11. Sabotage medical droids

If we were to corrupt the station’s medical droids, turning them rogue, we could cause key members of the crew to be injured, reducing their operational effectiveness.

12. Poison the Death Star’s atmosphere

More widespread chaos could be reaped, Sir, if we release a deadly toxin into the station’s ventilation and air-conditioning system. I predict, if the toxin was class 1, the odds of a biological organism surviving the attack are 1,378 to 1.

13. Enforce maintenance droid degradation

By infecting maintenance droids with a Stuxnet-style worm, we could catalyse a gradual degradation in their performance, leading to a series of unfortunate accidents and errors.

14. Neutralize backup systems

One of the most straight-forward, if indirect, ways to make the Death Star vulnerable would be to disable its backup power systems. Without power, Sir, the station’s operational effectiveness would drop dramatically.

15. Disrupt command and control capability

By reducing opportunities for communication and information flow, which could be achieved by sabotaging internal network systems, operational effectiveness would drop significantly due to the time it would take for crew members to traverse the station’s vast infrastructure.

16. Attack the executive docking bay

A fundamental design flaw with the Death Star is its executive docking bay. By attacking only this area of the station during a VIP arrival, we could ‘cut the head off the snake’ so to speak.

17. Disable the station’s tractor beam

Disabling the tractor beam, Sir, would prevent the Death Star from capturing space-born objects. We could then use said objects to inflict critical damage to the station.

18. Remove the station’s artificial atmosphere

The removal of the station’s artificial atmosphere, which would be best achieved by disabling blast doors and compartmentalisation, would lead to a large number of human casualties.

19. Enforce rapid depressurisation

Sir, if we could alter the interior depressurisation rate considerably, increasing it ten fold, then we could generate a large-scale implosion, compromising the station’s hull.

20. Plant computer virus

If we could gain access to the Imperial Network then a computer virus could be implanted that would lead to critical system failure.

21. Undertake a suicide mission

Lastly Sir, and I encourage you not to take this course of action, is to undertake a suicide mission. By concealing an explosive device upon your person, you could then get captured and, when entering the ship’s main control room, detonate said device.

Hat tip to the academics of Heriot-Watt University, Edinburgh, who helped program T-3PO for these calculations.

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