By Robert Jones Last updated
Lightsabers beat phasers any day of the week
Seriously, who would choose a phaser over a lightsaber if they were given the choice? Lightsabers look cooler, can repel particle-beam fire and can be customised heavily with different hilt and blade types, as well as imbued with various colours and qualities dependent on the crystal selected.
The phaser on the other hand offers absolutely zero defensive potential and is essentially just a glorified stun gun. If a phaser wielder went up against a lightsaber wielder then the former would squeeze off a few shots that would be instantly deflected by the latter's saber, after which the Trekker would be immediately cut down, being split in half along with their naff-looking space pistol in one fell blow.
Force powers humiliate the Vulcan nerve pinch
In the left corner we have Star Trek combatant Spock and in the right corner we have Star Wars combatant Emperor Palpatine. And the bell rings and here comes the Trekker, he's got his thumb and forefinger outstretched as he slowly walks towards Palpatine. It looks like Spock want's to demonstrate the legendary Vulcan nerve pinch on the Dark Lord of the Sith. Yes, we're told constantly how awesomely powerful this technique is in the show, so the Emperor must be careful.
But, what's this? Oh no, the Emperor - without bothering to even rise from his stool - has just unloaded a double-handed barrage of Force Lightning into Spock, whose head has exploded and his lifeless corpse has dropped to the canvas like a sack of potatoes.
The Millennium Falcon has an iconic design
Come on, be honest, the design of the USS Enterprise is actually really naff. It's only fresh in the public's conscience because there's been so many awful films and tv shows that, through residual osmosis, the image has filtered in.
The reality is though that the design is woeful and totally backwards. The bridge is audaciously plopped right on the top and is totally exposed to enemy fire. Further, the bridge is only accessible by a single turbo lift - what happens if the lift breaks down? - and the ship's phasers fire as slowly as a galleon's canon balls. The engines are also massive and totally exposed and, as we've seen from the show, they are highly temperamental.
The Falcon, on the other hand, is probably the most iconic spacecraft ever created.
Star Wars has imaginative aliens
All you have to do is take one look at the amazing variety of weird and wonderful alien species in Star Wars to immediately realise just how poor and unimaginative Star Trek really is. Honestly, it's just appalling - all they do is add an extra ear, nose or random facial element and bam, there we go, a new alien species.
Take the Risians for example, they just stuck a badge on their foreheads. Bolians are no better, just human actors painted blue. The J'naii? Just humans with some wrinkles on their forehead. And don't even go there with the El-Aurians, they just look absolutely identical to humans - what a coincidence! The aliens on Star Trek are cheap and nasty.
In contrast, Star Wars has the world's best puppeteer, Frank Oz, operating Yoda, one of the most iconic aliens ever created, as well as a menangerie of wierd and wonderful beasts like Jabba the Hutt.
Space combat in Star Wars is fast and dynamic
In Star Wars space battles are intense, action packed, entertaining and incredibly fast paced. Fighters engage in thrilling dogfights, zooming in and around capital ships, through deep trenches and even into the belly of a moon-sized super weapon. They are audio-visual spectacles that really get the adrenaline pumping.
In Star Trek, however, two poorly designed spacecraft sit stationary in space opposite each other while, occasionally, after a dump truck load of boring waffle, the odd phaser cannon goes off. If you're lucky the set designers change the bulb in the Enterprise's bridge from green to red. Eurgh… just so bad!
Star Wars has a concert worthy musical score
Star Wars has Star Wars: In Concert, a rolling mega tour where thousands of fans at a time turn up to some of the world's most prestigious concert venues to watch the Royal Philharmonic Concert Orchestra play over an hour of amazing music from the films. Star Trek, on the other hand, has the Star Trek theme. Errrrr… yep, that's it. Wow, that's embarrassing…
Star Trek’s absolute best just isn’t good enough
Quite a lot has been made of Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan wouldn't you say? Star Trek fans are constantly harping on about how brilliant the series' best film is and, heck, even J.J. Abrams piggy-backed on the film with Star Trek Into Darkness. The thing is though, this pinnacle of Star Trek, this crème de la crème of the series' history, still only has an 88 per cent rating on Rotten Tomatoes. But, oh dear, Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back scores 94 per cent. Oh well, we guess Star Trek's absolute best just isn't good enough…
Star Wars has an amazing extended universe
A dump truck load of games, books and comics have been released that are set in the Star Wars universe, each delivering more characters, stories and mythologies that have really helped fans both enjoy the core fiction more and endure the barren times where nothing official was made. Following the adventures of Jedi such as Kyle Katarn, bounty hunters like Cad Bane, murderous robots like Triple Zero and more have been, arguably, more pleasurable than even watching the official prequel trilogy, delivering more adult, inventive and entertaining content.
So what does the Star Trek extended universe offer to combat this quality? Nothing but sleazy fan fiction obsessed with Kirk getting it on with female aliens.
Star Wars has an epic multi-generational plot
The plot of Star Wars is so good that it has sustained 8 feature-length films already and it is still going, with character plot lines still running now more than 30 years after A New Hope hit cinemas. And, what's more, people are dying to find out what happens next every time a new movie comes out.
In Star Trek, however, we have a series of waffle-high encounters filled with sickening levels of American exceptionalism and plots that never escape the same old tired cliches. Oh look, Kirk is hitting on a female alien again. Of course the Holodeck is malfunctioning again! Ah, naturally, a main character just got killed but then has been immediately resurrected, rendering everything that happened before now emotionally bankrupt. It's so obvious, Wesley Crusher has somehow saved the day again! No, just no...
Star Wars has Ford while Star Trek has Shatner
Rounding out Star Trek's humiliation here is this ridiculously one-sided fight. Harrison Ford's Han Solo is one of the greatest characters ever brought to the screen. He's charismatic, suave and incredibly cool and capable, blasting his way through numerous flashpoints with gusto and a series of awesome one-liners.
In comparison, William Shatner's Captain Kirk is a paunchy, sleazy blowhard with delivery so bad that he became a national laughing stock. How many times has Kirk been sent up and parodied since Star Trek first graced our screens? The parodies of Kirk are actually more fun to watch than the original content he stars in! How many times have you seen Han Solo or Harrison Ford made fun of? Exactly. Game, set and match Star Wars.