Opinion: was the TV app and MacBook Pro launch the oddest Apple event ever, or what?

Why would anyone launch a cool thing that millions of people will love alongside a niche product for HD video editors? Because Apple.

Perceptions can change very rapidly. Is that white paint on my legs, or is it oil? Is Apple an all-knowing corporate entity or is it a bunch of nerds winging it?

Actually, what's on my legs is neither oil nor white paint. You don't want to know what it is, if I'm being honest.

We are living in a technological golden age where most of our sci-fi dreams have come true, or are coming true. But we're never satisfied, because that is the nature of humans.

And so I can say that I was both massively impressed with the new MacBook Pro, and yet the number of shits I can give about it can be counted on quite a small number of hands. Thankfully, the supporting act - Apple's reinvention of TV as an app - was more inspired.

The main takeaways from tonight's "event" were two. No actually there were three.

Hot take one.

Apple has come up with an app for accessing TV that is clearly potentially better than the current options available from PlayStation, Xbox, Chromecast, Roku et al, at least in America.

I'm a bit ambivalent about this, because clearly next to none of the functionality it offers will come to the UK any time soon, and I'm really not that bothered about being able to let people know in real time how I feel about ice hockey games.

However, TV, the app, looks fantastic.

Yes, it's reliant on third parties' apps. Apple has obviously given up, for now, on owning the TV content it supplies to us, so it's going to curate it instead, and streamline the experience of accessing it. That makes a lot of sense.

Relying on the broadcasters to supply their content via apps rather than through aerials, satellite dishes or cable is not going to be a problem, either.

Almost everyone in TV Land has got on board with providing content online for the same reason all the record labels did: it's better to sell your content to the world than have it stolen and distributed, while you stand there going, "Well, that's not fair," and paying millions to lawyers to play Pirate Site Wack-A-Mole.

So that's all great, and revolutionary and probably in 10 years' time we'll look back and say, "How did we ever consume TV before Apple invented 'TV', the app?"

But then, Apple, why do all that, and then spend the next 700 hours of your launch event talking about a laptop that's really good at 4K video editing, and has an OLED strip instead of function keys?

Hot take two.

The MacBook Pro looks a million dollars. I love the OLED touch thing that isn't function keys. The power of it, with its faster chips, better graphical performance and more efficient use of storage is clearly awe-sum. I haven't upgraded my iMac or my MacBook for nearly 8 years, but maybe now it's time.

On the other hand, it's clearly way more powerful than I need, as I'm not a 4K video editor or top-level designer. I didn't just struggle to understand the Photoshop demos that followed the unveiling of the MacBook Pro, followed by endless exultations about the essential-ness of having an OLED strip instead of function keys.

I nearly fell asleep.

Yes, the gaming performance of this new generation of MacBooks is probably amazing, but if I was a gamer, no way would I use a Mac. Although in typical Apple fashion it hailed the "gaming performance" as being "103% better" - please, what does that mean? - the Mac is not a mainstream gaming platform. We all know that, even if Apple is pretending it doesn't.

The World's Biggest Brand, Apple announced a downturn in its profits this week, from obscene to merely gargantuan. That's been seized on by all the real and pretend market analysts - everyone with an interest in tech is a market analyst these days, sitting in their underpants, telling massive corporations where they're going wrong, online - that the bubble has burst. That's not happening.

What is happening is that we're reaching the limits of what current technology can do. Laptops and phones have been miraculous for as long as we can remember; all that is left is incremental improvements and making function keys into more useful function keys. Improving the outward appearance. Updating the I/O bits, as happened tonight.

It was hard to tell from the rictus grins and nerdy, worried awkwardness on show at Apple's event tonight whether anyone at the brand is really worried about that situation, or whether that's just what those guys are like. The sheer desperation to paint a new type of function key as an upgrade to rank alongside the iPod or iPhone was tech-guy evangelism in its purest form.

Hot take three.

Apple, please don't launch the future-looking services or mobile devices or quirky new things that you do well alongside niche products for rich people, graphic designers and 4K CGI video editors again. It makes no sense.