"Quickly, Mr Cab Driver, my talking vibrator awaits..."

Posted by on Fri 14 Sep 2007

GadgetCandy - because your girlfriend loves gadgets too.

Mirror, mirror, reject call
LG Shine Pink
From free on contract

Right, let's end the whole "but women don't just want pink things!" debate once and for all - science has now confirmed that ladies have primitive biological reasons for being drawn to the colour. So you can take it up with science, and we'll unashamedly ogle the LG Shine in its new Pink incarnation, because the boffins have okayed it. The made-over fash blower, which Orange have bagged an exclusive on, has a new keypad and a lighter aluminium body. Outside there's the handy 'magic mirror' screen, and the innards include a very decent 2meg Schneider-Kreuznach camera. The scrollbar's still a bit on the fiddly side, but it remains a pretty good handset. If it can help us check our teeth after eating pistachios, then it's in.

Red means "stop - my feet are killing me"
Taxi Hailer
£9.99

It's all very well getting misty-eyed about the friendly night bus, but last time we caught it we had to vault over a reservoir of pink vomit to get to the stairs (alright, so our fondness for that hue has its limits). We insist on cabs while we're waiting for our massively lucrative syndication deal which will get us our own limo - trouble is that cabs don't always spot us in our black clobber. So we'll be waving one of these brilliantly simple Taxi Hailers in future. The credit card size things give out a bright red LED light so cabbies can see you - then you know for certain that if they don't stop, it's because you look like the CCTV'd star of one of those news reports about binge drinking.

Smiley smelly
Smiley Eau de Parfum
£32

Back to sciencey matters, the labcoats have a lot to say about how powerful the links are between smell and memory - it's true that every time we accidentally smell our trainers, we're reminded of the hell that was 4th year hockey. Thankfully, here's a whiff that should distract anyone from their spotty teenage memories - the psychotonic fragrance Smiley Eau de Parfum is chemically engineered to put a smile on your kisser. It contains theobromine to block adrenalin receivers, reducing stress, and phenylethylamine which should give you the joys. And it smells of orange and cocoa, which would certainly brighten our day, although it would also make us want lunch.

Keyed up
iGo Stowaway Keyboard
£59.95

We've been told we have nice dainty feminine hands (for a girl), and so it is a constant source of bafflement to us that when confronted with a touchscreen or a phonebound QWERTY keypad, we turn into some kind of ogre-beast with Cumberland sausages for fingers. iGo evidently understand this curious devolutionary process, as they've come up with the unpretty but blessedly practical Stowaway keyboard. Yes, it's a full-sized Bluetooth laptop-style keyboard that you can use with your Palm or other smartphone (there's a different model if you're a BlackBerry gal). When it's not being stomped on by your big clumsy mitts it folds up to a smallish 5.5 x 3.9 x 5". Great for anyone who can't keep a stylus for more than a day, then.

Naughty candy of the week - Say what?
Talking Head
£49

The rabbit-style vibrator has become a design classic - even if it does look and sound a bit too much like a play road-drill for our liking, it's made thousands of women very happy. It's seen several revamps in its long (and thick) history, but this may be the first time it's heard one. The USB-handy Talking Head comes with 64MB of RAM (yeah, fill in your own quips), a built-in mic and two pre-recorded 'audio fantasies'. You can download a variety of these husky male-voiced episodes from the product website, and the ones we sampled were clearly recorded through a really big Euro-tache. The 'Head comes with earbuds, naturally, although if you live with your mum then surely that way lies the nightmare 'opening eyes to find cup of tea on bedside table' scenario. Brrr.