Crippling shame and buyer's remorse, ahoy.
It's been a dodgy couple of weeks for Microsoft's Kinect. First we heard that the Kinect will only work if you keep your room tidy, then that you'll need to move out all the furniture so that you can stand 6-8 feet away from the sensor, then that the room needs to be well lit (but not too well lit), and finally that if the sensor is having trouble detecting you, it's probably your fault for wearing the wrong clothes. Now eat your vegetables and go and do your homework.
All of these potholes on the road to future gaming are caused by one thing, and that's Microsoft's dedication to outdoing both the Nintendo Wii and the PlayStation Move by advancing beyond controllers altogether. No buttons or joysticks, just you, the TV and a world of virtual adventure.
And possibly a boat.
Despite the Kinect's entire USP being it's controller-less functionality, that hasn't stopped peripheral-pedlars Atomic Accessories from coming up with the absolute nadir of games console add-ons: the Game Boat. Apparently "ideal for Kinect Adventures", a motion-sensing multipack featuring that racing rapids game that Microsoft keep showing at Kinect promotions, the Game Boat is a "real-size replica of Kinect Adventures' awesome dinghy". A dinghy, then.
Provided with a pump and inflating to a size of 150 x 150cm, the dinghy (we're not calling it a Game Boat anymore) is large enough for two people, although we can't think of anybody we'd ever admit owning this to, except possibly CTA's Soldier Ben.
According to the Atomic Accessories website, the dinghy can also be used on water (helpful examples of water from the site include the sea and a swimming pool). There's absolutely no mention of any technological aspect of the product, so early-adopters can look foward to 10 minutes of pumping, 20 minutes self-conscious Kinect Adventures, and months of houseguests asking why there's a rubber boat in the living room instead of a coffee table.
Via: Atomic Accessories