Apple today launched the iPad 2 at a packed media event in San Francisco. The new iPad 2 was unveiled by Steve Jobs who revealed a swathe of new features in Apple's latest tablet upgrade.
Among the first to react to the news was Hollywood star Charlie Sheen. Sheen recently shot to shame in a US real-life docu-drama interview, where he revealed that everyone on the planet really wants to be him. The news initially came as a shock to the majority of the planet but since the masterpiece aired, most of Earth's inhabitants now tend to agree.
Speaking from his 'bitchin' mansion in LA where he was flanked by Colonel Gaddafi and David Hasselhof, Sheen was quick to admit the latest tablet launch from Apple was a little baffling.
"Wow. What does that mean? Basically they strapped on their diapers." Said Sheen. "I literally woke up and it was Christmas."
The iPad 2 - which now comes in white - is 33 per cent slimmer than the first iPad and features front and rear facing cameras and HDMI video out via cable. The new device is Apple's response to an avalanche of new tablet devices from tech's biggest brands.
Prices are set to stay the same and when asked what he thought the iPad 2 might mean for mere mortals around the world he said: "You've been given magic. You've been given gold."
On the new hardware upgrades announced by Steve Jobs, Sheen was a little less convinced. "Clearly he didn't bring enough gum for everyone. I've got tiger blood and Adonis DNA. I just want to hug him and rub his head."
Speaking about how he thought the iPad would cope with his latest movies, he added: "This contaminated little maggot can't handle my power. There are parts of me that are Dennis Hopper. You can't process me with a normal brain. I'm tired of pretending I'm not a total bitchin' rock star from Mars."
The news that the iPad 2 is set to come with a dual-core processor also held little sway as far as Mr Sheen was concerned: "I look at the game of baseball and I'm reminded of a quote that I wrote. It's funny how sheep rhymes with sleep."
He was also quick to refute claims that he'd been an iPad 'user': "The last time I used? What do you mean? I used my toaster this morning."
Summing up the evening's events, Sheen was commented: "I've spent close to the last decade effortlessly and magically converting your tin cans into pure gold."
Gaddafi and Hasselhof refused to comment.
Note: T3 didn't really speak to Charlie Sheen about the iPad 2. He was too busy being 'bitchin'.