There are some tech achievements that are worth boasting about: completing Mass Effect 2 or reflashing the BiOS on your laptop, for instance. Maybe. However, for the following, you’d really be better advised to keep schtum…

See below for 10 Tech things you should never admit to.

1. You’ve queued to buy any gadget on launch day

Pre-ordering would have seen it drop through your letter box the very next morning, but you just had to be among the first to touch this god-given gear. We trust that 24-hour tech headstart was well spent… No, thought not.

2. You own an HD TV but no HD source

You’re reading T3, which means you like technology. So why don’t you own a Blu-ray player yet? Or Sky HD? Is it because watching standard-def footballers on a 50-inch LCD reminds you of better days spent playing FIFA 97? What’s that? You “can’t tell the difference between DVD and Blu-ray”? For shame.

3. You have albums on more than two formats

T3’s Operations Editor Duncan Bell owns David Bowie’s Station to Station on cassette, vinyl (twice), CD – four CDs actually, including the original, the one with bonus tracks, the 16-bit remastered one and 2010’s re-remastered one – surround sound DVD-A, and remastered vinyl. Which version does he listen to? An AAC rip, of course.

4. You’ve misused the railway ’s electricity supply

So non-diligent have you been about keeping your mobile or laptop battery charged, you must resort to using the plug sockets on commuter trains. This involves scrabbling around on the floor by the doors of your packed carriage, then standing there with a cable snaking from the “Not for public use” socket to your hand. Smooth.

5. You’ve spent hours making yourself as an in-game character

Yes, it’s gratifying to see your own malformed visage smash in a blinding goal on FIFA – especially if, like T3 Deputy Editor Matt Hill you’ve planted it on a pre-existing player with the same moniker so that Martin Tyler screams your name on cue. Those hours spent editing facial hair could have been better used learning to not lose to Moldovan teenagers, we reckon…

6. The real reason you’re upset that the iPad doesn’t have Flash

That’s right: porn. There, we’ve said it.

7. You own a Get-Abs-Quick machine

So you actually thought attaching electrodes to your chunky mid-section would give you abs like that 12-year-old diver. Then it arrived, and the instructions said something about eating well and doing actual exercise, including, yes, supplementary ab-crunches. It also kind of hurts. To the cupboard with you, you callous, lying plastic belt with electrodes on!

8. The Domino’s Pizza website greets you by name

Possibly relating to the above, this means you’ve registered, so they’ve got more than just your name on file and you can order with four mouse clicks. Things get worse when you start receiving mail addressed to “The pizza lover”.

9. Your news source is DailyMail.com

“Could not watching Kate and Wills marry give you cancer?” Features ed Rob Temple insists it’s ironic enjoyment of headlines such as this that make the right-wing tabloid’s website his organ of choice. But we’ve also heard him praising it as “well laid out and easy to read”. Hmm.

10. You use a “witty” email signature

Funnily, jokes and quotes make even more annoying sign-offs than “Sent from my iPad”.