10 Tech Things... that everyone lies about

Tech has the power to get you out of trouble. It can also land you in some serious hot water, as the following examples shall prove...

As humans, we're pre-programmed to lie about stuff almost pathologically. Tech has done countless wonderful things for our lives, but perhaps by far the most wonderful, is giving us a whole new category of things to lie about. Here are a few you might know first-hand...

 

 

1. “It just, like, broke”

You collar an Apple Genius and explain angrily that your phone simply stopped working. “It seems to have Toilet Duck inside it, Sir?” the overly smiley upstart replies. What? I don’t even own a toilet, mate, can you just give me a new one? One of those white ones if possible…

 

2. “Your email went into my junk folder!”

Nope, you’re just not a first XI kind of friend.

 

3. “Dear Sir, please find attached my CV…”

You “integrated the effective hyper-use of social networking in your business”, “prioritised the strategic targeting of Twitter” and “led a team into a Force 8 LinkedIn SEO digital mega storm”. You’re one step away from claiming you invented the iPad, rather than just using one to play Stick Cricket in the stationery cupboard.

 

4. “I have very sophisticated music tastes”

Whenever you listen to that psych-folk duo from Portland, Oregon, that recorded their last album on an old tugboat marooned in a Swedish forest you make darn sure your eclectic Spotify choice is plastered all over Facebook. When you fancy a bit of Deeply Dippy it’s straight into a “private session”; the musical equivalent of only wearing that trendy waistcoat you bought in the safety of your own home. You coward.

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