10 Ways 3D used to be rubbish

3D moments we'd rather forget. T3 hand picks the 10 reasons why 3D used to be rubbish

Pundits say 3D movies will go mega in 2010 and that 3D TV will be a must-have by 2012. However, the extra dimension’s path to glory has not been without pitfalls and potholes. Don now your cardboard specs and remind yourself of when 3D fell flat...

 

3D Journalist
For the last US election, CNN reporter Jessica Yellin appeared live from Chicago via hologram. She was about two feet tall, had a Ready Brek glow, and resembled Princess Leia during her "Help us Obi-Wan, you're our only hope," speech. Now that's authoritative reporting.

 

3D Posters
Well, you could buy The Beano for 20p, but then again you could get the exciting part-work, When Dinosaurs Ruled the Earth - first issue: £1; subsequent 50 issues: £8 each - for the free, A3-sized 3D posters of Diplodocuses. Sold.

 

Holograms
No Panini collection was complete without a "special" hologram sticker that allowed you to view Ian Rush's Scouse 'tache from any angle.

 

Jaws 3-D
With a plot involving a great white shark going berserk in SeaWorld - why not just close the park? - Jaws 3-D invited ridicule even before it forced cinema-goers to don cellophane and cardboard glasses and view scenes, such as the one where the shark explodes, in 3D. Sadly, the shark looked even more rubbish in this format, and it did nothing to improve the plot, script or acting.

 

Knightmare
Long-running, ITV children's show in which kids navigated rooms filled with puzzles and poorly-animated 3D monsters. The pimple-faced dungeoneers had to wear a massive, horned helmet so they couldn't see that they were in fact in a blue-walled room at Anglia TV's studios, rather than The Dungeon of Azak-Kabarr.

 

Magic Eye
The first autostereogram - which allows people to see 3D images by focusing on 2D patterns - was created in 1979. In no time, the UK was full of people squinting at books of the things until they went cross-eyed, before triumphantly declaring, "It's a unicorn galloping across a beach at sunset!"

 

Michael Jackson's Captain EO
After Thriller and before Bad, the King o' Pop made this shoddy, 3D Star Wars knock-off, which was screened at Disney World from 1986 onwards. Jacko played the eponymous EO, with a crew of leftover outfits from A.L.F., a robot with a moustache, a flying guinea pig and a small elephant in a vest who rivalled Jar Jar Binks for punchability. Check it out on YouTube.

 

Rad Racer
Obscure NES racing game that, with a press of the Select button, sent you plunging into 3D mode. Near-terminal motion sickness ensued, especially if you weren't wearing the bundled 3D specs.

 

The Queen's Coronation
In 1953 the British public got a new monarch, and Queen Elizabeth II was crowned in III D. About two per cent of the population had a television in 1953, and zero per cent had a 3D television, but nobody complained. It was a more deferential age.

 

View-Master
Unleashed in 1939, this device resembled sci-fi binoculars and let you view 3D images from paper disks. It was an incredibly popular toy in the days before kids were deemed to need anything remotely fun to hold their attention.

 

3D films heading your way
These blockbusters are set to get the full 3D treatment

  - See the flicks to jump out of the big screen

 

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